Ever talk to a person who wants to accomplish something, but doesn’t want to put in the hard work necessary to be successful at the given task? I’ve seen it in a variety of places. When I was a coach I would have at least one athlete each season who wanted to be the best, but was only willing to put in mediocre work. Sometimes, the kid was actually a pretty decent athlete just from the mediocre work. You know, one of those people blessed with natural ability. But natural ability only takes you so far. I remember one athlete telling me, “I’m good enough, coach. Nobody’s beaten me, yet.” And then I had to point out that tiny word with huge implications: yet. It wasn’t too long after that conversation when that athlete found himself struggling to catch the other runners in a huge meet.
I know the frustration of wanting to be better than I am at something. I know the frustration of knowing that it will take a long time and a lot of hard work to improve. Over the last couple of years I’ve embarked on a long journey of learning to play the guitar. It’s frustrating to know a few chords, strum a few songs, get my fingers to finally twist and bend the correct way at the correct time (sometimes painfully), and still sound as bad as I do. And I know the frustration of turning on the stereo and hearing that amazing guitar solo that seems so effortlessly produced. But I also know the reality that the soloist spent a lot of time and energy to create that “perfect” solo, and he did so after years of playing guitar.
Sometimes I think it can be easy for us to look at how we think our small group should function: amazing communication, deep relationships, incredible spiritual growth. And I know how our small groups actually measure up– mostly falling somewhere short of that ideal. I know that sometimes our groups seem to produce more conflict than resolution. People somehow offend one another or their personalities just clash. But that’s good. Well, it’s not good for sustained periods of time. And it certainly doesn’t feel or look good at the time. But conflict is part of the process of getting real with one another. Conflict is necessary and natural for growth to occur. Where there’s conflict there’s opportunity for growth and conversation. Conflict creates an environment for discussion. When people are journeying together, conflict is an unavoidable necessity that provides opportunity to get closer to the ideal. And this is certainly better than a roomful of people just pretending that things are “good”, faking the peace and never getting real with one another. So, don’t shy away from conflict. Don’t try to avoid the unavoidable. Granted, you don’t want to create it unnecessarily – it’s probably a bad idea to try and get your small group members into a fight. But chances are it’ll happen on its own, and sometimes you may need to bring it to the surface. But when conflict arises, use it as an opportunity for going deeper, for getting real, for talking about reconciliation and humility and sacrifice and service and love and forgiveness. It’s like the hard work that will getting you running faster or playing better as a small group.
